An Update on Santa

Chet Haase
3 min readDec 24, 2023

Friends, colleagues, employees, and ungulates,

This is a letter I never thought I’d write. For one thing, I’m more of a reader than a writer — everyone writes letters to me; nobody expects any from me. But also, this letter means that after more years than I can imagine, I’m leaving this job. It is literally the job of a lifetime, or at least it was for me. But now it’s time for me to fly my sleigh out of here, to take my bag of presents and go, to climb back up the chimney of life. To quit.

There comes a time in everyone’s life when they realize that they’ve had enough. For me, I’ve had enough demands from children for things they don’t need. Enough competition from online shopping sites. Enough all-nighters delivering presents to too many people. And enough cleaning out the stables after too many carrots eaten by too many reindeer. (Pro tip: Never let the reindeer drink cocoa. Apparently they are lactose intolerant. Very intolerant. The rooftops of that quaint Finnish village will never recover.)

So I’m off to do… absolutely nothing. Some people travel when they retire; I’ve traveled more than enough. Others want to spend more time with friends and family. But I’ve worked and lived every single day with all of my friends and family since I can remember. If anything, I’d like to spend more time with complete strangers. And the truly bored want to spend more time golfing, but I’d rather hit myself with a club than that little ball over and over and over.

No, I will sit on my couch and catch up on all of the television and movies I’ve missed, chugging milk and stuffing my face with cookies the entire time. It’s going to take a while. I might not stand up until next Christmas, if I can stand up at all.

I know all of you are wondering what impact this leadership change has on you and your role here, and you’ve probably only read this far hoping to find out those details. So here they are: I’m handing over the reins to Rudolph, who has led our Distribution Department for so many years. To anyone wondering what kind of leader he is, all I can say is that I’ve been a big follower of his for his entire tenure here. He’s proven that he can lead my team through all kinds of storms, and I have no doubt that he will lead all of you to do great things as well. He has a nose for it.

My last day will be December 26th. I will get those presents out one more time. Then it’s up to you all next time around. I’m sure you can do it. Or at least I’m sure I won’t.

For those of you that will be around on the 26th, I’ll be at at Molly’s buying endless rounds of eggnog. Stop by and look for me — I’ll be the guy in red with a big smile and spiked nog on his face.

Ho, ho, ho,
Santa.

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Chet Haase

Android and comedy. Not necessarily in that order.